He’s Just Not That Into You

Oh, small, earnest neighborhood florist — I can see how hard you’re working to get this right.

Here you are in the heart of college country, with scores of students strolling past you every day, never stopping to browse or buy. You know an untapped market when you see one, and you’re even willing to get creative with that sweet sandwich board to try to reach it. So, good for you.

But as I stopped to snap this photo of your message, do you know what happened? One of a pair of frat guys passing me said, “Flower shots,” and let out a dumb-sounding guffaw (yes, it was actually a guffaw). Is this really your target audience?

It was May, graduation time, and you must have been desperate to snag a few sales before the grads left the neighborhood for lower rents (or their old bedrooms). Those kids were partying like crazy, and you wanted in on the action.

I just don’t think the “Party Shots” crowd is going to appreciate your lovely displays — or invest any effort or expense in prettying up the frat house for the night’s blowout.

So if you want to make a some extra sales next May, why not target these kiddos’ parents, who likely spent a whole lot of money on tuition and might shell out a few more bucks to celebrate. Or get sentimental on couples or close friends getting ready to part ways, and convince them to splurge on a dozen roses.

Your best “shot” with the frat boy may well be the morning after the big party, when he’s trying to apologize to his girlfriend for being a jerk and throwing up in her car. Something like, “Need to make it up to her, again? Brighten up that walk of shame with a big bouquet!”

Although he’d probably have to borrow the money from her anyway.

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