In honor of my mom — who’s always asking me what I do for work — here’s a quick look at two recent Hired Pens projects.

The first is the website for Priority Management Group. This Rhode Island-based company advises community health centers on coding, billing and reimbursement issues. Those terms might mean nothing to you unless you’re in the industry, but PMG has managed to build a nice niche in the space.

In addition to the standard corporate information you’d expect, PMG’s site features an active Member Forum along with a survey tool and other interactive goodies. Kudos to emagine, who designed and built the site, and Mark Marquis, who managed the whole process and chipped in on the technical side too.

Eagle Investment Systems is another client whose new website recently went live. This firm develops data management, investment accounting and performance measurement solutions that help financial services organizations stay compliant. No easy task in today’s regulatory environment.

Needless to say, compliance and regulatory change are not easy topics to write about. Fortunately, our superstar financial services writer Jennifer worked tirelessly to get it right. We salute you, Jen!

Thanks to PMG and Eagle for bringing us on. And Mom, I hope this explanation helps.

At The Hired Pens, we write a lot of catalog copy — for PUMA, Zappos, Hasbro, Stride Rite, Timberland … the list goes on.  So to stay up on things, I always read new catalogs that arrive in the mail. The one that landed today has a really cool name: Sweaty Betty. It’s filled with workout gear for women.

I like the format and the design is nice. Sure, they could have chosen more athletic, less modely-looking models, but what’s new, right?

However, the phrase they chose to describe a running T made me laugh/roll my eyes. Rather than saying it has a “built-in bra,” they said, “anatomically considered placement.” I’m all for clever copy, but the word CONSIDERED threw me. Like, “well, we were going to put the built-in bra where breasts NORMALLY are, but we decided to shake things up and put the added reinforcement on the armpits instead!”

I’m just sayin’ …

Right before I went on maternity leave, I was interviewed by Janelle Harris at Media Bistro, a website for writers and new media professionals. She wanted to know how I waste time. My response should have been, “How much time to you have?” But I am not that quick on my feet. Especially not at nine-months pregnant. So here is what I came up with. Enjoy! (And yes, that is a picture of Leo and his new little brother, Alex.)

Five Time Management Tips for Freelancers

Make good on your resolutions on starting this year with fresh work habits — starting right now.

By Janelle Harris

Freelance copywriter Anna Goldsmith, one half of the Boston-based duo The Hired Pens, confesses that, between churning out quality content for high-profile clients like Macy’s and American Express, she can squander time like nobody’s business. “My office is right across the street from a coffee shop. I’m always thinking of it intentionally like, ‘maybe if I go get a cup of coffee, that’ll help me buckle down,’ and it’s really just a half an hour of wasted time,” she said with a chuckle. “Sometimes I find myself researching medical conditions that I might have, like googling a possible cause if my knee hurts or googling ex-boyfriends and random people from, like, elementary school that I remember.”

Ah, the life of the self-employed. The very liberty we cherish as entrepreneurs is sometimes all the rope we need to hang ourselves professionally. The beauty of being a freelancer is having the autonomy and freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want. The danger of being a freelancer? Having the autonomy and freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want. Break these notoriously bad habits and become a better captain of your time. Starting now.

1. Surfing social media.
Tweeting, updating your status and — aww! trolling through your friends’ and followers’ new baby pics and anniversary photos — is entertaining enough to take up as much of a chunk of time as you’ll let it. But until you can parlay that pastime into a cash-making opportunity (and let me know when you do), you’re pilfering your work hours – most of the time, anyway. “Facebook is a huge time suck,” admitted Goldsmith. “But I’ve also found some clients on there, so it kind of works both ways.”

Try This: You can incorporate guilty little pleasures like reading blogs or playing Words with Friends — and of course, scanning social media — as part of an actual schedule. Time management specialist Barbara Hemphill, founder of the Productive Environment Institute, suggests making a list of all of your responsibilities and clustering them into “zones.” “In my life, for example, there’s a zone for my prayer time, just being alone time and getting it together. There’s a zone for exercise, a zone for writing and a zone for research. Being productive is all about accomplishing your work and enjoying your life,” she adds. “If there’s a distraction that you have but you like it, turn that into a time zone.”

2. Allowing email and voicemail to take control.

Who called? Who emailed? Who the heck cares? You have work to do, and unless you’re waiting for information directly related to it, the multifaceted world of communication is proving to be a digital pain in the butt. “Minimize the distractions that you can control so you can deal with the ones that you can’t,” offered Hemphill. “A friend told me, ‘an inbox is a way to organize other people’s priorities.’ Probably 80 percent of the population starts their day by going through their inbox and figuring out what others’ priorities are instead of building their own.” That’s a pity.

Try This: “We established something called ‘quiet hours,’” Goldsmith shared. “So from 10-12 [am to pm] and 2-4 [pm], we unplug everything and just write. We don’t answer the phone and we don’t check email. It’s really amazing how much we can focus on and get done.” Having someone else around to keep you in check is really great, too, she added. Even if you don’t have a business partner, a freelancing friend or fellow editorial type can share space and help you stay on track.

Courtesy: Rachel Hadiashar.

With Anna out on maternity leave, guest writer Susan Johnston was kind enough to contribute this post. You can check her out at her website or her blog, The Urban Muse. Thanks, Susan!

I recently received a direct mail piece that opened with this cheerful gem (unnecessary capitalization copied from original): “Happy Holidays! Did you know that a Dirty House could be a Sign of Depression?”

It went on to caution me that although a dirty home may not directly cause depression, when paired with stressful situations, it could lead to depression. It offered a discount on housecleaning services, and at the bottom, helpfully provided a link to a blog post from several years ago pondering the relationship between depression and a messy home.

Granted, I’m no doctor. But I have a hard time believing that people should replace their anti-depressants with a maid service. Sure, having a clean house might brighten your mood, but if you’re clinically depressed, methinks it’s unlikely to magically cure what ails you.

What approach would have worked better?

Instead of sweeping generalizations about mental illness, a simple message like “We know the holidays are hectic, so why not treat yourself or your loved ones to a professional house cleaning?” would avoid offending customers or insulting their housekeeping habits. Or a mention of how valuable time is and how gift recipients might appreciate having more time to spend with friends and family rather than scrubbing floors.

But hey, not everyone can write effective marketing copy. I can’t make my countertops shine the way they can, so I gladly outsource that task. Maybe next time they’ll do the same.

I am about to have a baby. In fact, by the time you read this, I will probably already have had the baby. So like all new moms, I have been spending a lot of time shopping, both online and in stores for all the things a baby needs. (They need a lot of things.)

One such thing is something called a swaddle sack. If you don’t have kids or it’s been a long time since you’ve had an infant, a swaddle sack is a cozy little blanket with Velcro closures to keep the baby swaddled as he sleeps.

Anyway, on a recent shopping trip I found a rack of them and was dismayed to see that the sign above them said SUMMER INFANT. My baby is due in the winter so without much thought I passed by this rack and just ordered one online that night.

A few days later I was flipping through a pregnancy magazine and saw this ad. “Summer” is actually the brand name, not, as I had assumed, a reference to the fabric weight/time of year baby should be wearing this product.

Yet another lesson in “Be careful what you name your product.” As the tagline declares, Summer is “the best time of your life.” Maybe. Maybe not. Personally, I am partial to fall. But Summer, as we have seen, is NOT the best name for your product, especially if you are dealing with a target audience who is not always thinking straight … like pregnant women and new mothers.

I’ll bet 20^th Century Fox wishes they’d had a little more foresight too …

Dear Citgo,

I walk by your billboard, “Citgo is Good Gas,” several times a week and keep meaning to ask you about it. Maybe I’m in the minority here, but I’ve never considered whether or not one brand of gasoline is of a higher quality than another brand.

In advertising speak, “quality” isn’t a point of differentiation for you. It would sort of be like us running an ad that said something like, “The Hired Pens. We know all the letters.” Just like your customers assume all gas is the same, our customers assume all copywriters know the alphabet. So in both cases the ad does nothing to help you (or us) stand out.

For an ad to work, it needs to highlight what makes you different from your competition. And it has to be something your potential customers care about. For a gasoline company, those things might be price, free stuff you give away at your service plazas or your commitment to environmental stewardship.

But maybe I just don’t understand your ad. (Which in itself is a problem.) Maybe what you mean by “Citgo is Good Gas” is that you do good in the community? If so, this might be a design issue. That guy in the black T-shirt looks like a real jerk. The kind of guy who wouldn’t stop to help a little old lady cross the street, let alone be a part of some Citgo-sponsored charitable organization that would make me feel good about buying your product. So, if this is what you mean, simple fix: Replace that dude with a picture of your charity of choice. Done.

You’re welcome for the unsolicited advice,

Anna Goldsmith

I’ll admit that complaining about exclamation points isn’t exactly the freshest angle for a copywriter to pursue. But on my way to work today, I saw such an egregious use of this rampantly overused punctuation mark that I have to comment on it.

Outside my local Sovereign Bank — where I’m a satisfied customer, by the way — I came across the sign to your left. The key line being, “TODAY’S CD RATE!”

Now, in some instances, it’s perfectly acceptable to use an exclamation point. For example:

“The Black Sabbath concert last night totally rocked!”

“I just saw Robert Pattinson buying a latte at Starbucks!”

“Help, I’m on fire!”

But more often than not, an exclamation point sniffs of overstatement. And when used inappropriately, it makes you look desperate because you’re trying to liven up something that’s pretty boring to begin with. To wit:

“Our placemats are now available in beige!”

“Our lawn fertilizer now contains 10% more phosphorous!”

“Today’s CD rate!”

Hope this helps.

I got this postcard the other day from Gentle Dental to remind me it was time for my six-month checkup. Unlike a lot of people, I don’t hate going to the dentist. I attribute this to regular flossing and my regular lack of time to do nothing but lie in a chair. It’s generally a pleasant experience. And yes, they are very gentle.

So I have no gripes with my dentist or hygienist, but here’s what I want to know: Why are they sending reminder postcards in the first place? Isn’t a phone call enough? Or maybe these postcards really do improve the turnout rate.

But if they are going to go through the trouble to send them out, why not have the cards say “A Gentle Reminder” instead of “A Friendly Reminder”?

Seriously, I’m losing a ton of sleep over this. Okay, not seriously, but it is a missed branding opportunity and I wonder if anyone even thought of this semi-clever rephrasing.

I’ll have to ask them on December 5 at 8:30 a.m.

Among the many fleeting business ideas Anna and I have had is starting a greeting card branch of The Hired Pens. It hasn’t gotten off the ground quite yet, in part because we’re too busy, you know, trying to make money at things we actually know how to do.

Sometimes, though, it’s hard not to think we could do better than some of the greeting cards we come across. Case in point: I was looking for a thank-you card last week and uncovered The Worst Greeting Card Ever.

It’s the “We Built This City on Rock ‘n’ Roll” of greeting cards.

The “Ishtar” of greeting cards.

The “Kardashian/Humphries marriage” of greeting cards.

A few choice excerpts:

“Kissing. Touching. Softly, sweetly exploring each other’s bodies. Oh, how I love loving you like that.”

“When we’re together like that, kissing, touching, loving like we do, well, I’m beyond amazed. I’m in pure, soul-stirring, heart-pounding, skin-tingling bliss.”

“Oh, yeah. I love loving you like that.”

I asked my wife Paula how she would respond if I gave her this card. She said: “Embarrassed, flustered and put off by the cheesy ’70s feel to it. I’d think, wow, I really don’t know Dan. He’s not the man I thought he was.”

My friend Mary Ann added, “If a significant other gave this to me, I’d think I was being punked. Then I’d run.”

The lesson here: Giving the wrong greeting card can have damaging ramifications. Especially if it’s The Worst Greeting Card Ever. So choose your greeting cards wisely.

So we just found out that a project we worked on with the incredibly talented team at King Fish Media won a major award.

What? You’ve never heard of the Daveys? Well, if you were a small agency seeking big recognition, you would have. I actually really like that they have on their website (*snip*).

[The Davey Awards] is the largest and most prestigious awards competition exclusively for the “Davids” of creativity.

David defeated the giant Goliath with a big idea and a little rock — the sort of thing small firms do each year. The annual International Davey Awards honors the achievements of the “Creative Davids” who derive their strength from big ideas, rather than stratospheric budgets.

King Fish Media won for their 2010 Keurig Holiday Catalog. (We wrote the copy.)

While no one asked us to give an acceptance speech, here’s what we’d say if they did, you know, after all our blushing and tears. Part of it is the team: The best copy in the world is going to fall flat if you aren’t working with skilled people who can execute on the design and business objectives. So of course we’d thank King Fish profusely. But then if our time hadn’t run out, we might offer a little advice: Good catalog copy tells a story. The key is figuring out what story your audience wants to hear.

How do you know? Well, who’s buying the product? The time-starved commuter? The fresh-out-of-college millennial? The husband and wife who don’t share the same tastes? The party-throwing matriarch? In Keurig’s case, the answer was “yes” to all four. This presented a challenge because you don’t want to have four different voices for one catalog.

So what do you do? Find the commonality by going back to your product. Sure, there are four distinct audiences, but they aren’t buying a car or a hammer. They’re buying a coffee maker that gives them fresh, single-cup gourmet coffee in under a minute. What does this mean? They appreciate good coffee, but don’t have (or want to spend) a ton of time making it and don’t want (or need) more than one cup at a time. So that’s where you start. Then you spend some time thinking about how those benefits apply to each audience.

What would having fresh, gourmet coffee at the touch of a button mean for the woman who entertains a lot? Easy: Single-cup brewing means she can give each guest the coffee her or she wants, from decaf to diesel fuel. For the married couple? If they’re buying a Keurig, it’s often because they don’t share the same taste in coffee. And so on and so forth until you’ve isolated the biggest benefit for each.

Now you’re ready to tell your story. For Keurig, we created four personas in the forms of mini stories for each audience. As you can see I’ve peppered a few throughout.

And stay tuned: It’s on my list to write a more in-depth piece about catalog writing, since it’s kind of my thing.