Shelby Upjg, Laziness Destroyer!

I’m a white American guy who went to a Catholic college with predominantly guys and gals of Irish and/or Italian descent. For better or worse, I don’t hang in particularly exotic circles. Nothing intentional; just the way things have worked out.

And yet, lately I’ve been getting weird spam from people with names like …

  • Tawny Wuwjijl
  • Fermina Ugqaf
  • Trista Dyqdulqr
  • Deloris Awycu
  • Ramon Jfqkyer
  • Gabriel Qbiciezq
  • Shelby Upjg

Maybe it’s just my white-bread existence, but I don’t know anyone with names like these. What ethnicity exactly are they anyway? Unwitting users are much more likely to trust an email if it comes from someone that a) they conceivably may know, and/or b) has a name that’s grammatically possible to pronounce.

Then there are the bizarre subject lines …

  • Good for you! Check this
  • hi Q
  • gameFAQ
  • A model fixed
  • Mail for immediate order
  • Laziness destroyer! (my favorite)

How are any of those subject lines going to entice me to read an email?

I think we’ve reached a point in evolution where spammers have run out of good ideas. They need to either take a long vacation to regroup or hire some young, hungry copywriters who can write better subject lines than “A model fixed.”

Trust me, all your spammers out there, you’ve got some work to do. Follow my advice, and I’ll be much more likely to open your spam, click on a link and accidentally download a computer virus!

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