If you’re like me, you’ve received dozens of those emails trying to bilk you out of money. You know the type — the sender is near death and needs your help handling millions of dollars.
And if you’re like me, you’ve lost hundreds if not thousands of dollars through these scams. Well, I decided it was time I got a piece of this action. So I concocted my own sob story and gave it a shot.
Let’s just say the results have been amazing. Since sending out the below email earlier this month, I’ve made nearly $54 million. People are so gullible.
Feel free to try it too, then kick back and blow your nose with $100 bills while the ill-gotten cash starts piling up! Best of luck.
Date: June 3, 2011
From: Dan O’Sullivan
Subject: Proposal for Mutually Beneficial Transaction
I realize we have never met before, but my instincts tell me you are an honest, reliable and, by the way, very attractive individual.
Recently, I had the misfortune of contracting a fatal disease due to an incident involving a rabies-ridden baboon and a lack of judgment. (Let’s just say a cross-species knife fight wasn’t one of my brighter ideas.)
In any case, my doctor just informed me that I have six to eight minutes to live. After re-watching the final minutes of the season finale of The Killing (Detective Holder is a bad guy?!?), I decided to spend my last moments on earth writing this email. And then sending it to you.
Here is my story: Over the past 10 years, my copywriting business, The Hired Pens, has generated revenues in excess of $1.2 billion. My partner, Anna Goldsmith, cannot be trusted to spend her share of these riches wisely, so I have had nearly all of these profits deposited into a Swiss bank account.
With my impending demise, however, I do not want my hard-earned money to go to waste. Would you help me put it to good use? All I ask is that you disperse 10% of the $1.2 billion to a worthwhile charity (ideally, an organization that fights rabies in baboons) and keep the rest for yourself.
In order to assist with my quest, please email the following information to my barrister, John Doe, at firstname.lastname@example.org:
- Full name
- Phone number
- Social security number
- Credit card number and expiration date (don’t forget that weird three-digit number on the back)
- Bank and account number
- Hat size
I await your good response today. Thank you and remain blessed. God is great! Also, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.
The Hired Pens, Inc.