Honey, Can You Grab Me a Refreshing Ice-Cold Bottle of Death?

I recently grabbed this bottle of water at my local CVS. When I came back to the car, my husband glanced over and said, “Really? They named their water ‘Big Chill’?”

I really looked at the bottle for the first time. He was right: CVS had named their bottled water after a euphemism for death. Why? I came up with a few possibilities:

1. It’s a healthy spin on the Jonestown Massacre, and the water is laced with cyanide. Because you know, Kool-Aid can really wreak havoc on your blood sugar, and who needs that nasty crash? Plus, it provides a nice loophole to CVS’s very generous return policy: “Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back.” Not a lot of dead people are bringing stuff back. Unless they have CVS stores in the hereafter.

2. It’s supposed to be an homage to the 1983 hit movie about seven former college friends who gather for a weekend reunion. However, if this is the case, did CVS remember that the reason they got together was for a funeral? I’m not sure this technically can be counted as trademark infringement, but it certainly can be counted as a bad decision. At least, though, it would have been a conscious decision. I’m not ready to give them this much credit. Which brings me to number three.

3. They just thought it was a clever name and didn’t do their research.

My money is on #3. Always do your research, people.