Citgo, You Really Shouldn’t Have

In the spirit of “Things That Make You Go Hmmm …,” I would like to present this billboard for a Citgo gas card. The headline reads, “Nobody will say, ‘You shouldn’t have.'” above a picture of a box with the Citgo gift card inside.

Really, Citgo? No one will say, “You shouldn’t have”? Okay, I’m game. Let’s just play out a few scenarios to test your theory.

FRIEND’S BIRTHDAY

You

Hey Friend! Turning 40’s a drag, huh? Your hair’s starting to fall out, and your kids are driving you crazy. Hey, speaking of driving, I got you this Citgo gift card — happy birthday, pal!

Friend

You shouldn’t have. And by the way, I like my family, you asshole.

ANNIVERSARY

You

Darling, even buylevitra.net though we’ve been together for 50 years, you still know how to fire my engines. Speaking of engines, happy golden anniversary — here’s a Citgo gift card!

Spouse

You shouldn’t have. I want a divorce.

GIFT-GIVING RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY OF CHOICE

You

Tommy, I want you to remember that God’s love is always burning bright. Just like gasoline burns to keep our car running. Here is a Citgo gift card — Merry Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza!

Tommy

I’m six.

Tommy’s mother

You shouldn’t have. Get out of our house.

Okay, so maybe the problem is there needs to be a clarifying subhead. “Nobody will say, ‘You shouldn’t have’ without writing you off as a crappy gift giver.” There, now that makes sense!