Among the many fleeting business ideas Anna and I have had is starting a greeting card branch of The Hired Pens. It hasn’t gotten off the ground quite yet, in part because we’re too busy, you know, trying to make money at things we actually know how to do.
Sometimes, though, it’s hard not to think we could do better than some of the greeting cards we come across. Case in point: I was looking for a thank-you card last week and uncovered The Worst Greeting Card Ever.
It’s the “We Built This City on Rock ‘n’ Roll” of greeting cards.
The “Ishtar” of greeting cards.
The “Kardashian/Humphries marriage” of greeting cards.
A few choice excerpts:
“Kissing. Touching. Softly, sweetly exploring each other’s bodies. Oh, how I love loving you like that.”
“When we’re together like that, kissing, touching, loving like we do, well, I’m beyond amazed. I’m in pure, soul-stirring, heart-pounding, skin-tingling bliss.”
“Oh, yeah. I love loving you like that.”
I asked my wife Paula how she would respond if I gave her this card. She said: “Embarrassed, flustered and put off by the cheesy ’70s feel to it. I’d think, wow, I really don’t know Dan. He’s not the man I thought he was.”
My friend Mary Ann added, “If a significant other gave this to me, I’d think I was being punked. Then I’d run.”
The lesson here: Giving the wrong greeting card can have damaging ramifications. Especially if it’s The Worst Greeting Card Ever. So choose your greeting cards wisely.