As I recently skimmed Parade magazine (learning about “the world’s top 10 worst dictators”), the headline immediately caught my eye: “Amish mantle and miracle invention help home heat bills hit rock bottom.”
Of the several dozen items I find fascinating, the Amish and miracle inventions are near the top of the list. Now, here was an advertisement that featured both. I had to read on …
“Save money; only uses about 8 cents an hour; so turn down your thermostat and never be cold again.” Well, that was kind of an incoherent sentence. But still, this was great stuff.
According to the ad, Amish craftsmen have been working feverishly to meet nationwide demand for the HEAT SURGE Roll-n-Glow® fireplace. By rolling this flaming monstrosity from room to room, “you can turn down your thermostat and take the heat with you everywhere.”
I cut out this ad and have saved it in my desk drawer for the last few weeks. When I’m feeling bored, I take a moment to review it once again. Each time, new questions arise, such as:
- I knew the Amish crafted great furniture. When did they decide to expand into home heating?
- Wait a minute, the Amish eschew modern conveniences such as electricity. What do they know about constructing electrical heating devices?
- Did HEAT SURGE hire someone from The Onion to create these ads using an extra-heavy dose of Photoshop?
- Can’t the Amish dress down a bit when they’re engaged in hard labor?
- How much will this wondrous product set me back?
Oh wait, the ad says just $298. But you have order in the next 48 hours. Act now!