Bearded Guy

Although I am a normally functioning adult, I frequently see advertising that confuses and/or scares me. And that is the topic of today’s blog post.

Take the sample to your left. It touts financial aid opportunities for moms who want to return to school. Displayed is a creepy dude who looks like the unholy alliance of Charles Manson, George Harrison circa 1971 and Jesus Christ after a wild night out with the Apostles.

So what does he have to do with moms and education? You got me.

Confusion Rating: 10
Scared Rating: 8

Big Glasses Guy

Next up: This unexplainable gentlemen to your right. He apparently is an example of one homeowner who either a) did or b) did not take advantage of Obama’s refinance plan.

Nevermind his monetary savvy or lack thereof, though. What I’m focused on is his bizarre mouth region. Does he have upper teeth? Is he sucking on a white-skinned orange? And if all that isn’t odd enough, he’s got those supersized glasses plopped on his massive upturned nose.

Can’t stop looking at him. Maybe that’s the point.

Confusion Rating: 9
Scared Rating: 6

Grieving Girl

Finally, the lovely ad to your left. It’s part of a series of ads that share that tagline and depict various bereaved family members – usually kids.

Now these ads aren’t confusing by any means. I applaud the sponsor (AccuQuote) for being completely transparent in their intentions. But do they really have to show kids? And do they have to advertise on sites I regularly visit (e.g. Slate.com), thus inflicting a regular dose of major buzzkill?

I’ll admit it: This ad did get me wondering who would take care of my family if I died today. So far, I’ve ruled out the Bearded Guy and the Big Glasses Guy.

Confusion Rating: N/A
Scared Rating: 10

Here’s a guest blog post from Thaddeus Van Haltren, who founded The Hired Pens in 1931 and now serves as our senior copywriter emeritus. His current accounts include Lux Detergent and Aunt Mildred’s Clam Juice Cocktail.

Back in my pre-copywriting days, I played the wash-board in a musical outfit known as Peanut McGee & the Pale Haberdashers. We toured extensively throughout southwest Indiana, sometimes taking home no more than a loaf of bread and pint of moonshine for our efforts. Not much to split among 16 band members.

We had several regional hits (you may remember “Ring Me Up, Soda Jerk,” “So’s Your Old Man!” and “Golly, That’s a Nifty Bonnet”). But after an angry crowd at a Terra Haute speakeasy booed us off the stage in 1928, we lost our confidence and decided to call it quits.

Why do I regale you with tales of my misspent youth? Because I recently received a Facebook invitation from Barnaby Finswipe, who played second kazoo in the Pale Haberdashers. Apparently, he wants to be my “Friend.”

Well, Barnaby and I haven’t spoken in 78 years on account of a dispute over ownership of a raccoon coat. Now he expects me to act like nothing ever happened? That makes me madder than a wet hen!

My point is this, dear reader: Be selective when using Facebook or similar social net-working sites to contact people. If you lost touch after your sophomore year in college or your World War I infantry went home, they’re probably not too anxious to hear from you now.

One of the great things about being a writer is asking people questions. I began my writing career as a journalist, so I got plenty of practice doing just that.

Back then, the interviews were pretty mundane. I had to be creative in coming up with questions because the interview topics weren’t always that interesting (at least at first glance): a profile of the town librarian, a feature on the new sewing shop, etc.

I later worked as a sports reporter, which was a thrill for a big sports fan like me. Now, the interviewees were recognizable and sometimes even intimidating. But being athletes and all, the intelligence levels often hit subterranean altitudes, resulting in simplistic or clichéd answers.

These days, I’m doing a lot of work with Massachusetts General Hospital. No shortage of brain power over there. They’ve been a client of ours for almost two years, and I’ve picked up just enough medical knowledge to become dangerous.

Dr. Jack W. Szostak

But a recent assignment with Mass General had me nervous. I was asked to profile Jack W. Szostak, PhD, of the Department of Molecular Biology. Let’s just say he’s not your run-of-the-mill researcher dissecting frogs. In fact, he’d just been awarded the 2009 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine.

I’d interviewed countless people over the previous 15 years, but never a Nobel Prize winner. During my prep work, I came to realize what a huge impact Dr. Szostak’s work has had. (In the interests of not scaring off non-scientific types, I won’t go in to the details here.)

In the hours leading up to the interview, scary thoughts flew through my head: What if I ask a dumb question? What if I don’t understand what he’s talking about? What if he senses intellectual weakness and calls me an idiot?

Fortunately, Dr. Szostak is the type who suffers fools gladly. Our half-hour on the phone couldn’t have been more pleasant … well, at least for me. He came off just as I’d like to come off if I were in his position: friendly, humble and accommodating. What a relief.

If you’d like to check out the fruits of my labor, here’s the link: http://massgeneral.org/about/newsarticle.aspx?id=1988.